You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i think i just lost a toe
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
