I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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