he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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