Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
