Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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