Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
