Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
