Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well you can't waste a boner
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
