Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My life is pants optional.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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