I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize