Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
