Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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