Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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