i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
