Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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