I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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