Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize