There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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