i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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