I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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