my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
