He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
