You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
