awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
