Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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