i love accidental penises.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
