8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
