i already hear my dad disowning me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize