Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
