i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My life is pants optional.
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