Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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