but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
