Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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