wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
