if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
