u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
