does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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