Michael Bay diarrhea
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
