Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I understand Curling. That high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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