jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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