Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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