my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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