can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
