I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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