Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
