...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
