Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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