He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
