we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize