had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
