thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My feet surprised me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
