i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Farmville is her only friend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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