A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
