u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
