when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
