everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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