I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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