NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
