I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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