Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
