its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
