I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize