Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
