I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize