Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
