Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
