so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize