im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
