"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
