i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
