The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
