I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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