Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize