We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
