don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
